A big word meaning a very strong feeling of love or enthusiasm.For me, passion is not food or shopping. I would have to declare that gym is my first love.
Thursday, 25 August 2011
Tuesday, 16 August 2011
Horrible experience
Most recently, my froggie was injured. In this incident, froggie was hurt when the driver decided to reverse and BANG. Hello... i horned but fell to deaf ears.He came down with his phone in one hand. I was too shaken to comprehend the incident.
Luckily, I had a male friend who was calm and settled the issue with the young man.He phoned his family to seek help.Luckily, no one was hurt but it left me shaken till today when another car comes near my froggie. Every bad incident does leave a scar in you!
Luckily, I had a male friend who was calm and settled the issue with the young man.He phoned his family to seek help.Luckily, no one was hurt but it left me shaken till today when another car comes near my froggie. Every bad incident does leave a scar in you!
Paradigm Shift
To me, these two words are too big to be used but I would prefer to use it to explain myself.Marrying a guy of my dreams was blissful at the very beginning starting a family. Soon a baby came along the way. She is my love of my life.(She is working now)
Pretty soon, patches of disagreement occur too frequent and fights over very petty things. Then followed by cold war when both parties refused to talk to each other in a house. Slowly, the silent devil took the upper hand. Down the road, we have stopped talking close to 10 years yet we existed in the same house. Madness that's what everyone around me said.Why stayed so long?
A good question which I will not be able to answer or comment.
Down the road ...after more than 10 years... I have evolved painfully. At the beginning, I questioned myself what did I do WRONG? I tried to patch up be a good wife, cooked his favourite dishes, picked after him, paid all the bills and stayed at home eventhough most of the time he was NEVER around.
At the point, I was overweight around 75 kg.I cried alot at home and even at work. I was a TOTAL wreck like a car after a horrible horrible accident.My two best friends listened and gave help. Yet, i don't think they really understood my pain and remorse towards him.
It took two random strangers that gently told me that I was a wreck and FAT. Of course, I didn't take the comment too well but it was a good WAKE up call to look into the mirror. OMG... my neck was missing and my waist line was not a line but a huge pool of FAT.Realizing it at 35 yrs old was NOT COOL.
I started exercise classes, it didn't help since I was surrounded by HAPPY married ladies in classes. Pretty soon, they were drowning me with their happy tales. I moved on to join a gym. Soon, i could clearly see my neck again. Lose a few kilo and felt better about myself. It wasn't easy and happened over night. It took the toll on me. I was always tired at home and at work. On good days, I would run 10 km on the treadmill machine. The machine gave me sanity and confident. As i ran , ran and ran, my head came clearer than the failed marriage was the fault of two. As the saying goes, it takes two to TANGO.
Slowly, my kid finished school moved on to uni and graduated . She left the nest and working in Singapore.
Now the nest is empty and I have more time to myself. I have my new friends from gym, going out for makan once in a while gave me warm sharing jokes and teasing each other.
On the other hand, IF i had begged him back, became a DOOR MAT, then i am SURE that I will still be very very unhappy with my marriage , myself and my weight.
After such a long time, I have stopped blaming myself or even him anymore, cos love died a long time ago. The BIG crack on the mirror is impossible to MEND.
Moving on, I collected myself and took control of what was left and given by God to me. Gym saved my soul and the credit goes to my gym buddies. My crazy new friends are warm and fun to be with.When we are together, we chatted about happiness and jokes. Problems are left at home.
In conclusion, when one is faced with troubled , confront them with courage and seek help.Don't be a coward like me.Failure in marriage was no means a failed life. I picked up the pieces to move on. Along the way, I used lots lots of tissue paper . Killing him did cross my mind or even tearing him into pieces.I still have such thoughts by I channelled them into my body combat classes. Slowly, it did n't seem so painfully anymore.Once, my daughter asked me"mama, you love me more or gym?" I paused and took a long time to respond.I laughed and said of course MY BABY.
The road to recovery of my heart was long, winding and painfully.No pain no GAIN. I gained myself back to be ME. I lose weight and new circle of friends and hoping one day, i will find a soul mate.( he must love gym as much as I do)
Pretty soon, patches of disagreement occur too frequent and fights over very petty things. Then followed by cold war when both parties refused to talk to each other in a house. Slowly, the silent devil took the upper hand. Down the road, we have stopped talking close to 10 years yet we existed in the same house. Madness that's what everyone around me said.Why stayed so long?
A good question which I will not be able to answer or comment.
Down the road ...after more than 10 years... I have evolved painfully. At the beginning, I questioned myself what did I do WRONG? I tried to patch up be a good wife, cooked his favourite dishes, picked after him, paid all the bills and stayed at home eventhough most of the time he was NEVER around.
At the point, I was overweight around 75 kg.I cried alot at home and even at work. I was a TOTAL wreck like a car after a horrible horrible accident.My two best friends listened and gave help. Yet, i don't think they really understood my pain and remorse towards him.
It took two random strangers that gently told me that I was a wreck and FAT. Of course, I didn't take the comment too well but it was a good WAKE up call to look into the mirror. OMG... my neck was missing and my waist line was not a line but a huge pool of FAT.Realizing it at 35 yrs old was NOT COOL.
I started exercise classes, it didn't help since I was surrounded by HAPPY married ladies in classes. Pretty soon, they were drowning me with their happy tales. I moved on to join a gym. Soon, i could clearly see my neck again. Lose a few kilo and felt better about myself. It wasn't easy and happened over night. It took the toll on me. I was always tired at home and at work. On good days, I would run 10 km on the treadmill machine. The machine gave me sanity and confident. As i ran , ran and ran, my head came clearer than the failed marriage was the fault of two. As the saying goes, it takes two to TANGO.
 |
| My baby in South Africa |
Now the nest is empty and I have more time to myself. I have my new friends from gym, going out for makan once in a while gave me warm sharing jokes and teasing each other.
On the other hand, IF i had begged him back, became a DOOR MAT, then i am SURE that I will still be very very unhappy with my marriage , myself and my weight.
After such a long time, I have stopped blaming myself or even him anymore, cos love died a long time ago. The BIG crack on the mirror is impossible to MEND.
Moving on, I collected myself and took control of what was left and given by God to me. Gym saved my soul and the credit goes to my gym buddies. My crazy new friends are warm and fun to be with.When we are together, we chatted about happiness and jokes. Problems are left at home.
In conclusion, when one is faced with troubled , confront them with courage and seek help.Don't be a coward like me.Failure in marriage was no means a failed life. I picked up the pieces to move on. Along the way, I used lots lots of tissue paper . Killing him did cross my mind or even tearing him into pieces.I still have such thoughts by I channelled them into my body combat classes. Slowly, it did n't seem so painfully anymore.Once, my daughter asked me"mama, you love me more or gym?" I paused and took a long time to respond.I laughed and said of course MY BABY.
The road to recovery of my heart was long, winding and painfully.No pain no GAIN. I gained myself back to be ME. I lose weight and new circle of friends and hoping one day, i will find a soul mate.( he must love gym as much as I do)
 |
| My grand nephew and a tired ME |
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